Embracing Rejection: When a Book Doesn’t Land an Agent or Sell on Sub

It is with a heavy heart that I write this newsletter. I’ve been rejected many times and had to shelve several books in the past, and once again, I’m coping with rejection. (Nope, the rejections don’t stop once you have an agent/book deal/etc!) I’ve just had to shelve a YA contemporary I wrote that is very near and dear to my heart. It’s a book about a Chinese-American figure skater with immigrant parents who defies all the odds as she chases her life’s biggest dream. I am very proud of this book. I cried writing some parts of it because it is so deeply personal. I got some truly overwhelming praise (that I have a hard time believing myself) from my beloved beta readers for this book. Beta readers reassured me that this book would sell, and that it would mean so much to Chinese-American readers, as well as children of immigrants everywhere. (I really, truly couldn’t ask for better beta readers, and please know that if you are one such reader and reading this, I appreciate all your lovely help and support!)

My agent and I went on submission to publishers with it on June 14th, a little over three weeks ago.

On July 9th, we got the last two regretful editor rejections for this book. They loved it, they said, but their acquisitions teams wouldn’t let them buy the book because sports stories are a hard sell.

Yes, dear reader, ALL THAT GLITTERS didn’t sell. A book that my agent, readers, and I believed so hard in, that I wrote hoping to reach the children of immigrants who rarely get to see themselves as heroes, winning gold medals, making history. A book that four editors loved enough to take to acquisitions – but ultimately were turned down by the marketing teams of their publishers, who thought figure skating books just wouldn’t sell.

I am not new to rejection. I have had my writing rejected again and again and again. From losing short story contests, to being turned down for opportunities online writing platforms like Wattpad, to 100+ queries on 3 shelved novels, and now, to my second book out on submission, which didn’t sell. Over these years of facing rejection, I’ve learned to harden myself, to feed on the feedback when it helps me, to always seek to be a better writer and person.

But I am still a writer who throws her whole heart into her writing, and the rejections absolutely sting, especially when they’re this close, especially when they praise my writing, especially when it seems like the only thing the publishers didn’t like was the figure skating part of the story, despite the fact that the story is about so much more than figure skating.

(Can you tell I’m still a little torn up over this?)

So how do I deal with rejection?

When I was fairly certain ALL THAT GLITTERS wouldn’t sell – a little over a week ago, after most of the editor rejections had rolled in – I gave myself one day to be incredibly sad. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried. I mean, I really truly believed in this book. I put my whole heart and soul into it. I crafted characters and a story and a world, and that took time and energy and emotion and…everything I had.

I gave myself one day to wallow in my sorrow, and then you know what I did? I picked myself back up off the floor, dusted myself off, and immediately worked on my next project for Camp Nanowrimo: a more high concept, YA thriller that, hopefully, will sell when I take it out on sub.

I told myself what I’d told myself for the 3 books I queried that went nowhere: that it was okay that my book went nowhere, because I deserve and expect nothing. I always hope for the best but expect nothing, and it makes it a lot easier to handle rejections when they come.

I told myself that if I want to make it in this business, I have to suck it up and let the rejections fuel me.
I told myself that one day, ALL THAT GLITTERS will find a home, but even if not, it’s okay, because I have more stories to tell, I am more than one book, and I am not a quitter.

This industry is filled with rejection at every corner. Even when you have an agent. Even when you have a book deal. Even when you become a NYT bestselling author, have a film option, etc. Every writer is going to face a lot of rejection. If you want to make it, you have to toughen up and take each rejection in stride.

Publishing is not a meritocracy. Good books don’t land agents or sell all the time, for whatever reason. The market doesn’t want them, they didn’t find the right editor, they’re not high concept enough, etc. If you’re dealing with rejection, pat yourself on the back for writing a damn good book. Let yourself cry for a little bit. And then pick yourself up and try, try again.

Your stories are worth it, you are worth it, and you’ll thank yourself for never giving up one day when you’re an author. It’s a new day, I’ve got a new story to write, I’m going to brew myself some tea, and then I’ll be back to the drawing – or, rather, writing – board.

Announcement: Moving This Website to Newsletter Format

Hi, my wonderful followers. Thank you for subscribing and being part of my writing journey – it truly means the world to me.

I’ve decided to change to a newsletter format, which means instead of posting on this website for all to see, only those who are subscribed and want to receive my newsletters will see them via email. Nothing is changing except for the format and delivery of my blog posts.

Here is the form, and you may unsubscribe at any point if you wish to stop receiving emails from me:

https://my.sendinblue.com/users/subscribe/js_id/3kwye/id/1

I hope you’ll subscribe, and I look forward to sending out (semi)regular newsletters!

How Exercise (Yes…Exercise) Helped Shape My Writing

TW: For disordered eating, please do not read if you might think this post would be triggering.

*****

Many of you have probably heard writers say at some point or another that exercise helped stimulate their writing; that even a brief break to venture outdoors in the middle of the day can result in a writer returning to his or her cave with a clearer head that’s brimming with ideas.

I’ve definitely experienced this – never underestimate the power of a nice, horrible, boring jog!! – but my experience with exercise is mostly with the mental strength and confidence it gave me that helped kick my butt into gear and pursue my dreams through writing.

People who don’t know me before my sophomore year of college (a little under 3 years ago) wouldn’t know this, but I have struggled with weight for my entire life. In fact, I still struggle with it, though it’s gotten better since my relationship with exercise and my confidence have improved. But for most of my life I had been the chubby kid of the family and even among my friends. If you’re from an Asian family, you KNOW how grueling that is…so yeah. Suffice to say, young Katie’s self confidence was shit.

But things turned around in 2014 when I committed myself to exercising and eating healthier. If there’s anything anyone should know about me, it’s that when I become desperate/committed to a goal, I WILL NOT STOP AT ANYTHING TO ACHIEVE IT. Not even at the sacrifice of my own health. So I eventually became serious about weight loss (it was about a boy, and ugh, yes I regret that), and as a result, my whole mindset toward life changed.

When I set out on my weight loss journey in 2014, I was the worst kind of weight loss goal-setter. I wanted fast results. I wanted to stop exercising after reaching my goal weight. I didn’t care about the journey. I only cared about getting there.

And you know what the crazy thing is? It worked. Over the course of 4 months, I lost 50 pounds.

I want to emphasize this for anyone who might be considering weight loss: this is NOT a healthy or sustainable way to lose weight. I was eating extremely low calorie, exercising 2+ hours a day, and I had NO life outside of food and exercise. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS ROUTE TO ANYONE.

While on the surface it appeared to have worked for me, in the long run, it didn’t. I had to struggle for another 2+ years before reaching a healthier weight, eventually gaining back 15 pounds that I needed for my body to function properly, for me to exercise a normal amount (30 min a day, taking 2-3 days off completely a week or when I need them), and eat a normal amount of food.

That crazy weight loss journey didn’t just teach me how to lose weight – in both an unhealthy and healthy way – and how to sustain a healthy and balanced lifestyle. It taught me a lot about the ways in which I function as a human being, and how to be extremely disciplined about my life in general.

Adopting this all-or-nothing mindset toward writing is what led me to furiously write and revise 4 novels in 1 year when I decided I would become serious about writing. It worked for me, because I’m the worst person ever and will hide from friends and family from my writer’s cave for months, neglecting even my own personal health to write, even after a long day of school and work, even on Christmas Eve and morning and a bunch of other holidays.  

This type of discipline led me to craft and work out a daily schedule for myself: wake up at 6:30, gym for an hour, write, go to class, do homework, come back to my apartment, and write. I did almost NOTHING else during this past school year. I did not allow myself breaks. I saw maybe 2 friends on a semi-weekly basis. That is how I was able to be so productive.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: this is what exercise taught me, to be disciplined to an extreme, to a fault even. It’s how I was able to finish my novels so quickly. But it’s not feasible for everyone, especially those with full time jobs and families, so please DO NOT feel bad if you feel like you should follow this route. I actually don’t recommend that writers follow this route. You should spend time with your friends and family. I’m trying to be better about that myself this year. Only a combination of desperation and extreme discipline led me to turn into…whatever this writing machine thing is that I’ve become.

Finally, I want to close my strange little exercise/writing spiel by saying this: lately I’ve been thinking about how different people react to success stories, whether they are weight loss related, writing related, or otherwise. I have learned to react with excitement and enjoyed cheering on others, and using their own success to motivate my drive to reach ever higher goals. I guess I assumed this is how other people operate, too, but I’ve begun to realize that we all react to seeing other peoples’ successes differently. I’m remembering that I used to view success in a different way, too. And I’m going to be more conscious about that from now on and choose how to present myself and my stories more carefully.

But, I’m also going to add this…I think it’s infinitely healthier and more productive to use other peoples’ successes to motivate your own determination to succeed. I’m saying this as a teenage girl who used to be chubby, would scroll through thinspo photos on the internet, starve myself (spoiler alert: it didn’t work…) and wish I could be that skinny. I used to look at my friends who have much faster metabolisms and resent them for it. Same goes for writing: I used to look at published authors’ books and think, “how did this get published, and I can’t even get a request from an agent?”…instead of being happy for others and using their stories to fuel myself.

Now, though? I’ve learned that resenting others for something they can’t control, or something they can control and worked for, is counterproductive in more than one way. It ruins relationships…and I get nothing out of it in the end. Changing this mentality – about weight loss, about life – is ultimately what has helped me become the person I am today. A work in progress, but one with a much healthier mentality, who is more positive (disgustingly so at times), and who sees others’ successes as exciting motivation to fuel her own drive to succeed.

My writing journey has only just begun. I hit a 10k word day yesterday, but on the days I can’t write, or the days where I’ve made plans with families and friends, I WILL NOT force myself to write. That’s my pact for my self-improvement.

But alas, today is a writing day. So now I’m going to pull up my novel, and keep fueling my own writing off the excitement and success of other authors’.

 

Sorry, the Writer’s Insecurity Doesn’t End Once You Have A _________.

Because I’ve been really struggling with the first draft of my latest project, a Chinese pirate fantasy, I think it’s time to give all us writers, myself included, a reality check. It’s time for me to finally write the post that I’ve wanted to do for a while but couldn’t because I had to keep my book deal a secret: the unending insecurity we writers must face, even after getting a book deal.

I’ve heard variations of the following phrase from several different writers: “Once I have an agent, I’ll know what I’m doing.” Or, “once I have a book deal, I’ll be validated and finally “know” how to write books.”, etc. And, I’ll be honest, I had these thoughts myself in the past.

When I was a baby writer just starting out in this community back in October 2017, I used to believe that once I had an agent, and once I had a book deal, I would be part of this elite circle on Twitter made up of authors who just know what to do, and always know how to write. And now that I have all these things? Now that I get to count myself as a Novel Nineteen? I feel more insecure than ever. True story. I’m sorry if that just smashed some writers’ expectations, but it’s really true. I’m a better writer than I was back when I started querying, that’s for sure; but I’m still insecure (and about even more things), I still have lots to learn, and I still have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I was just hard-working and lucky, and that’s how I landed my agent and book deal.

Shall I give you a list of all my post-book deal insecurities? No? Too bad. I’m gonna do it anyway.

I have no idea how well my book will do once it’s sold. It might tank so badly that I never sell another book. Or, worse, my agent might decide she hates everything I write ever and drop me, and it’ll be back into the querying trenches I go. (Can you tell I’ve spent some time worrying over this? I have spent a lot of time worrying over this. And eating chocolate. And worrying some more.) I am having the hardest time drafting my Chinese pirate fantasy – I’ve already started over again twice – and I don’t know why it just isn’t working (which has led to more worrying, crying, and eating of chocolate.) And now that my book news is official, on top of all these insecurities, there are expectations on me – wonderful expectations from the community, but expectations nonetheless.

So, no, unfortunately, to the baby writers out there who are hoping that the insecurities will end once you have an agent or book deal – those are only markers along your publishing journey that help you reach your dream. Take this from someone who has an agent and book deal: there is no point during the publishing journey that you will ever feel like you know exactly what you are doing, that you know exactly how to write your book perfectly and know everything there ever is to know about writing. There just isn’t. Ever. And if you feel that way…chances are, your writing isn’t that good. No offense. I hope I never think my writing is the shit, because that means it probably isn’t the shit, but just…shit.

I hope this post doesn’t seem like it’s taken a turn for the negative. I don’t mean to say all this to scare or discourage anyone – I’m incredibly grateful for my agent and book deal and will do my best to live up to expectations and keep writing. But I think it’s good to keep in mind that there are no real “divisions” (or at least, there shouldn’t be) between unagented, agented, and published writers. If there’s anything all the drama of YA Twitter has taught me, it’s that we are all, unfortunately, human. Even authors we’ve admired for years can be petty, write disappointing books, or otherwise just act like normal human beings. We are all insecure messes of chocolate and tears; we are all in this crazy journey together, maybe just at different places now.

So please, writers, take heart and keep honing your craft, but know that part of being a writer means constantly working to improve your craft, trying to work through this insecurity. But don’t dwell on how secure you’ll feel once you meet a goal, because frankly, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, my advice is to use this insecurity to always fuel your work and your desire to be better.

And if you’re just starting out or revising or querying or submitting to publishers, take it from someone who will be a published author come 2019: we still don’t know what the hell we’re doing.

 

How to Survive Querying or Being on Submission

Mood swings. Constant inbox refreshing. Stalking agents and editors on Twitter. Eating way too much chocolate. If you’re exhibiting these symptoms, you’re probably deep in the querying trenches or submission hell. And believe me, having been there myself for many many months, I know exactly what it feels like to be stuck in a limbo of endless waiting. I know what it feels like to get to the point where even bad news feels better than no news at all.

So how did I stay sane while waiting for agents and eventually editors to get back to me? I didn’t.

Just kidding. (But seriously…)

The best thing I did for myself while querying and being on submission was keeping busy. And no, I don’t mean busy by stuffing my face with chocolate. I know this advice has been hammered over our heads and over again by agents, editors, fellow authors, etc – but I truly believe that the best way to stay sane and productive is to keep writing the next book.

When I began querying seriously this past August, I immediately began the next novel. Immediately. I didn’t wait to hear back from agents before starting, because I knew I’d be waiting for a while. And I was correct. I waited a very long time to get all my responses – some requests, most rejections – back on that novel. (True story: my latest rejection on a query I sent out in August came in the end of April…over a month after I had landed a book deal on an entirely different book. LOL.)

But luckily, because I had become so committed to this new project, I had finished another novel that I was ready to query again by the end of October. After sending out fresh queries for this new novel, I immediately dove into Nanowrimo to write the 3rd novel I would query and the novel that would finally land me an agent. Yes, there were still moments when I would get distracted from my work and stalk agents/editors on Twitter; yes, there was a lot inbox-refreshing. But for the most part, I didn’t let myself dwell on what was already out of my control, and focused instead on what was in my control.

Unfortunately, querying is just the first hurdle. Then there’s the wait on submission, which I would argue is much worse than being in the querying trenches, because you’re this close to being published, and your book has been polished to death by your critique partners and an industry professional, and there’s still no guarantee that it will sell. Nothing in this brutal industry is guaranteed, not even once you have an agent. When I went on submission with my novel, I again, did not sit around refreshing my inbox like a madwoman (most of the time, at least). I was busy with grad school, and I got to work on my latest completed novel.

I was lucky enough to make it out of submissions hell and sell my first novel, but as I’m waiting for my agent’s feedback on my second (and possibly going on sub again this summer), I’m not twiddling my thumbs. I’m working on editor revisions for my novel that sold, and drafting a new novel that I want to go on submission with in the chance that my 2nd novel doesn’t sell. Even after my book comes out next year, I’m going to Keep. Writing. The. Next. Book. Author careers aren’t built out of one or two or even three books (99% of the time). They’re built from consistent releases, from growing a fanbase. And to grow a fanbase means, surprise – producing more books!

Finally, I wouldn’t have made it out of the query trenches and submissions hell if it weren’t for my wonderful critique partners and friends, who were there to cry with me over sad news, and scream over exciting news. There is nothing like a supportive group of friends to help keep a writer sane on sub. So if you’re querying or on submission, or know someone who is, hold on to those friendships and lift each other up. Give your writer a piece of chocolate, and some fresh paper and pencil to draft a new story. They need it.

Now I’m going to stop twiddling my thumbs and procrastinating, and go work on my next book.